Funny Lines
So yeah, we like comedy. Can you blame us? Anyhow, here is a gathering of funny moments from our stories. The most recent editions are on top, earlier on the bottom.
From #5 See No Evil
Danie: PATHETIC?!! I’LL SHOW YOU PATHETIC….
Abigail: No! No, Mom, don’t!
Danie: I have to save her! What do you expect me to do? Sit here like a lump on a log?
Jessica: Never stopped you before…
Danie: Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!
Jessica: Exactly nothing. What’s your problem anyway?!
Danie: ME?! I don’t think so–
(Jessica and Danie are fighting.)
Shannon: Uh, HELLO OVER HERE! CAN’T YOU SEE I AM ABOUT TO BE KILLED OVER HERE!!
^.^;;
(Zoë and Price are fighting while a sweatdropping Naomi is looking on…Soon everyone starts fighting over something. They’re ignoring Shannon.)
Shannon: UH HELLO! LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! I’M IN DANGER HERE!! THIS MAN IS ABOUT TO KILL ME, OHMIGOD, LIKE YOU NEED TO HURRY UP AND SAVE ME DAMMIT!!
(Long pause. Everyone starts apologizing to each other.)
Shannon: AHEM!!
^.^;;
Angel: Yeah I’m back, hopefully for good. Sorry I didn’t believe you… (Glares at Terry.) Bastard…I’m going to kill you.
Terry: Good try. I don’t think that’s gonna happen.
Shannon: (to herself) And you know…the most exasperating thing is that I’m still hanging here by my hair… (Sighs.) Okay you. Let go of me.
Terry: What? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Shannon: I SAID LET ME GO!! (Kicks him in the shins.)
Terry: (Grabbing his shins) Aw! You wench! I outta kill you!
^.^;;
Heero: What did you expect? This IS Nicole’s wedding…
Crys: True…
Duo: I kinda liked it!
Jennifer: I bet you did… I’ll bet the part about fixing the plate to go just turned you on.
Moira: JENNIFER?!!
Jennifer: Well…
From #4 Death By Fire
Heero: Smells good. What’s for breakfast?
Shannon: (In a low tone) I know what you had—
Danie: (Sharply) Shannon!
Abigail: Honestly, Shan. You can’t stay silent for the life of you…
Shannon: Well, some of us can’t sleep when the headboard in their parents’ bedroom is BANGIN’ ON THE FRIGGIN’ WALL!
(Silence.)
^.^;;
Jessica: I know. (Sighs.) Look. Here’s the plan. Heero, you and I will take Danie to the emergency room. Crys, Jen, Price, Yuko, Shannon–take Abigail and Angel back to the house and let them rest. And get Selene somewhere near.
Price: Will do, captain.
Yuko: You have no humor Price-san…you no funny.
Price: Well at least I can speak English.
^.^;;
Angel: Abby! (Turns to Sae, eyes glowing.) You. Will. DIE!!!! (A dark aura surrounds him as he calmly walks toward Sae. He comes within a foot from her and raises his hand.) DEATH RIBBON!!!! (A flat line goes through Sae’s body and sits there. When she smirks, thinking that she won, he smirks back.) You. die. (He snaps his fingers and the line electrocutes her with black lightning. She screams then falls to the ground lifeless.)
Price: Holy…
Yuko: Sugoi…
Shannon: Holy craptastic shit!
Jessica: Shannon Thomas! Watch your mouth!
^.^;;
Kristana: Did we win?
Shannon: Sure did.
Jessica: We kicked major ass! We fought EXTRA funky!
From #3 As You Like It
(With a flourish, he opens up the door. He rolls out a gigantic cake with the words ‘Congratulations! Hope it’s the best!’ on one tier. He steps back, turns on some music and they wait.)
Duo: Voila! Entertainment!
(Suddenly, an old lady pops out of the cake in a two piece bikini.)
Old Lady: Is this Arthur’s one-hundredth birthday party? I’m ready to get my freak on.
(The guys sweatdrop.)
Quatre: Um…Duo, I think you’re a little mixed up in the head…
Duo: Hey wait, lady! There’s been a mix up! This isn’t Arthur’s one-hundredth birthday party!
Old Lady: (Hopping out of the box) Oh well. Gotta keep on workin’, ya know? (Walks out of room.)
Duo: Heero, Trowa, I am so very sorry! The person I hired was…a lot younger than Granny Get-Your-Freak-On over there.
^.^;;
Danie: Wait. We have something to take care of…. (Glares at the Gundam Girls.)
Jennifer: Yeah. A little spring cleaning….
Jessica: I think you wanna stick around for this one…
Brina: Oh yeah, I forgot about them… (Grins evilly) I’ve GOT to see this!
Dorothy: N–now….t-take it easy….w–we were just doing what we thought was best…
Crys: Yeah right, and I’m the Queen of England!
Danie: You will pay for almost making me cancel my wedding and even THINKING of trying to take my husband away from me! (Eyes turn bright red.) Solar…
(Gundam girls scream and run for their lives.)
Danie: (Eyes turning back to normal) Was it something I said?
(Everyone sweatdrops.)
From #2 A Midsummer’s Nightmare
Wufei: (In a sour mood, stares at Ace) I am NOT going to do any kissing in this play got it?
Ace: No kissing? Where is your sense of drama, of passion?
Danie: Probably left it at home.
^.^;;
Brina: Take it easy Jess…
Jessica: I do not talk like Oprah!
Gretchen: Yes you do.
Jessica: I do not!
Brina: (glaring her eyes turning gold) I said CALM DOWN!!!!!
(The girls jump.)
Jessica: (In squeaky-kid voice) Okay.
^.^;;
Voice: Get your hands off of my brother!
Jennifer: Catherine! (Hotly) Did you want something?
Catherine: (Glaring) Yeah I want something alright! I want you to leave my brother alone!
Trowa: Cathy—
Catherine: No I’ll handle this little brother… (To Jennifer) Listen sister, hands off! He’s not up for grabs!
Jennifer: Damn right. That’s because he’s my boyfriend. So lay off, Soup Girl.
^.^;;
(Moira walks in and sees Duo in a chair, Trowa and Heero who are VERY pissed off, pointing their guns in his face.)
Moira: Trowa Barton and Heero Yuy! If you don’t stop that right this instant–!
Duo: Geez Mo. Nice mama act. (Screaming) NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR!!
^.^;;
(Suddenly, from the audience……)
Voice: You crass amateurs!
(Crys glares. Obviously she doesn’t like this little “interruption.”)
Crys: Why you little -BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP-
(Quatre sweatdrops and quickly takes her off stage.)
^.^;;
(Quatre walks into the scene.)
Quatre: What’s– (Skids to a halt when he sees Dorothy) Eep!
Dorothy: Quatre! My darling!
(Dorothy clings onto Quatre.)
Quatre: Um…Miss Dorothy…I’ve told you many times I’m married, have a kid, and have two more kids on the way!
Dorothy: It…doesn’t…matter! We can still be! We can be lovers!
Crys: (Walks up) Like hell is doesn’t! Get your filthy hands off of MY husband you little bitch! (Throws Dorothy off of Quatre) Listen you little whore, He’s TAKEN!!!! T-A-K-E-N!!!!!!!
Dorothy: You will–
(Dorothy trips over a bottle that just happens to be lying in the floor. She falls into Hilde, who is holding her beret. Hilde runs face-first into Sally, and she knocks Sally out with her flying hands. Sally, Hilde, and Dorothy crashes into a table and it breaks.)
Brina: (laughing her head off) Wish I had a camera!
^.^;;
Danie: (Sadly) Well, I guess it’s out now….
Brina: Aw don’t be so sad looking! Take it like this…I told ya you’d be surprised at who was picked… (Realizes mistake) Dammit! That’s the last time I open my big mouth!
Danie: (Raises eyebrow) Gee. You’d be a bad Miss Cleo. (Pauses.) So Heero was destined to fall in love with me, huh? Kinda scary! (To Jennifer) At least Trowa loves you.
Jennifer: Heero’ll come around.
Danie: Only if I yell, “Your mission is…!” and stand in front of Wing Zero naked.
^.^;;
Jessica: But honestly Moira. We don’t need to do through this again.
Jennifer: It was a comedy of errors that can’t be repeated.
Moira: A Comedy of Errors! Wasn’t that another play?
All: Moira?!
Moira: Sorry.
From #1 Much Ado About Trouble
Duo: You’re being quite mean, Heero. (to Danie) And for you know, Danie, he might blow you up, too.
Danie: F*** you, Maxwell.
Duo: Yo’ mama.
Danie: Yo’ greasy, greasy granny!
Jennifer: (confused) But Danie, he doesn’t—
Danie and Duo: Shut up, Jennifer!
^.^;;
Crys: She will once Heero points his gun at her.
Nicole: Gun? Does Heero do drive-bys?
Crys: Actually yes.
Jessica: In his Gundam.
Nicole: What in the name of Church’s Chicken is that?
^.^;;
Quatre: Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness. There Leonato, take her back again. Give not this rotten orange to your friend. She’s but the sign and semblance of her honor. Behold how like a maid she blushes here! O *smells something* what authority…. *sniffs* *whispers* Guys, what’s that smell?
Jessica: What smell are you—? *sniffs* It smells like Mrs. Smith’s fried chicken!
Danie: Chicken?
(There is a clamor on stage left. Nicole, followed by a crowd, is carrying food.)
Nicole: Hey y’all! Y’all said there was gonna bez a weddin’, so I brought some food.
Crys: *sighs* Oh brother…
Duo: (Excitedly) Hey! *stomach growls* Sorry. I’m a bit famished.
Jessica: Nicole, what’s the meaning of this?
Nicole: Oh Nothing really. Just wanna spread the love. And hot sauce.
Quatre: Nicole, this isn’t a real wedding.
Nicole: WHAT! You mean I got the Electric Slide for nuttin’?!
^.^;;
Voice: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooo!!!!
Heero: (Uncharacteristically scared) Ahh!! Hide me!
Danie: Who’s that?
Jessica: Oh man. Here comes another exciting game of “Who Hid Heero Yuy.”
Jennifer: (gleefully) I did!
Danie and Jessica: Shut up!
^.^;;
(The gang goes into conference room. Food is laid out on the table.)
Catherine: (looking like a broke Vanna White) We have all types of soups. Clam chowder, chicken noodle….
Nicole: *walks away* F**k it. I’m getting McDonalds.
Jessica: I’m surprised that you didn’t mention Rosco’s Chicken and Waffles.
Nicole: They have those here?
^.^;;
(Mr. Popo and Dende rush out.)
Mr. Popo: What is going on out here? We heard a ruckus!
Jennifer: (Looking up) Mr. Popo! Dende! She’s hurt! She needs help! She was fighting this weird dude for some charm or another and he tried to kill her!
Duo: (To Jessica) With some work, she could probably do a hundred words a minute.
(Jessica glares at him.)
