Saving Heero Yuy

Title: “Saving Heero Yuy aka Underneath Your Clothes” (from Much Ado About Trouble)
Coupling: None
Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG

Part I – Method to Her Madness

Soul Love Live was a pretty rambunctious place on Saturday nights. The young adults of Gracia, California, usually converged upon the dance club in full force, wearing clubbing-esque gear and recharged cell phones. This was what Daniella “Danie” Thomas liked about it; you could meet up with your girls and dance around, even get a phone number or two. Even though she was a club regular, there were still many new (and gorgeous) faces in the crowd.

This was also true on this particular Saturday night; except Danie was not really there to party as much as she was there to perform. She almost hated admitting it these days; she was a pop star, fully and totally. She was a part of a girl band (band, not group, mind you) called Angelic Blessings—and they were anything but angelic. The owner of SLL had asked them to do a set at nine and eleven. Danie glanced at her watch. It was eight thirty. She sighed. Practice time.

“Hey Dans!” yelled a voice. Danie looked up and saw her sister Claudia, wearing a strapless dress under a crocheted duster. She rolled her eyes and made her way through the already jumping crowd. She hoped they’d be this energetic in thirty minutes.

“What’s up?!” she called back, making sure Claudia heard her over the music.

“Have you seen everyone else?” Claudia inquired loudly. “I’ve only seen Mo.”

“We’ve all seen Mo,” Danie commented. “She’s always the one making sure we’re all here. If I know her as well as I think—which I do—she’s probably rounding up the rest of the herd.”

Claudia shrugged. “Well, whatever the case, I’m going to see if everyone else is here.”

Danie shrugged back. It was a usual thing between those two—Claudia did something, and two seconds later, Danie did it. “Fine. I’ll be backstage.”

Danie departed from her quadruplet sister. She headed for the door marked, ‘Backstage-Authorized Personnel Only,’ sending a few waves to a couple of friendly faces. Unfortunately, before she could reach her destination, she was stopped by a tallish figure with a long brown braid—and was promptly scared to death.

“Danie!” exclaimed the Brown-Braided figure.

Danie, after getting over the initial heart attack, groaned. “Maxwell,” she muttered. “I thought I told you—”

“I’m sorry Danie dear,” crooned Duo Maxwell in a Mack Daddy-esque outfit. Tonight the threads were Platinum Fubu—no surprise there since he had a couple of ex-girlfriends on the store’s payroll…

“Yeah yeah,” Danie grumbled as Duo kissed her on her left cheek and then proceeded to do the same to her right. Damn European chicks have him doing that, Danie mused. Aloud, she asked, “So it’s just you?”

“Nah,” he responded. “I dragged Wufei, Trowa, and Heero out to come see you guys. Quatre and Crys also came to see you.”

Danie had to laugh at that one. Gee…Quatre Winner and Wife Go to Local Dance Club—a nice op for the gossip rags. And even more…Wufei, Trowa, and—the gut-buster, the seam-splitter—Heero Yuy? God, that wasn’t a photo op. That was a laugh, Comicview pure and simple.

“What’s so funny?” Duo wanted to know.

“Oh nothing,” Danie lied. She glanced at her silver watch. “Well. It’s about time for me to leave. I guess I’ll see you after the set.”

“Yes…I will see you,” Duo bantered flirtatiously.

“Oh ha ha,” Danie snapped, tone sarcastic. “I think you need glasses. I’m the wrong Thomas quad for you.”

“Oh are you?”

Danie sighed heavily. There he goes again…bringing that talk-show shit up… “Just because we went out a couple of times—” she began.

“Aw come on,” Duo interrupted. He moved closer to her as if trying to make a pass on her. “You know it was more than just a couple of times, Danie.”

“Whatever you say, Maxwell,” Danie blurted, trying to get away so she could meet her bandmates. “I’ve gotta run. See ya.”

Duo donned his faded playa sunglasses and raised an eyebrow at her. “You’ll be back, Danie.”

Danie rolled her eyes. “Sure, Maxwell.”

Of course, in any normal scene at the eminent yet nefarious Soul Love Live, a strange incident must occur. At this point as Danie was trying to get backstage to join her fellow Blessings, something did happen.

Or, more specifically, five someones happened.

They were all dressed as if they had raided the screen tee rack at the local Rave^[1] store. They were shiny, showy, screaming specimens of mankind gone horribly wrong. The blond one with the normal eyebrows and the humpy bangs walked in the front, wearing a shiny black and gold halter. She scoped out the room with narrowed blue eyes as if she was a wild animal searching for someone to mate with.

“Aw hell,” Duo murmured.

“What’s the matter, Maxwell?” Danie was slightly concerned, more in a nosy way than a reach-out-and-touch-someone way.

Duo gulped. He was the picture of a fretting kid courtesy of his long braid. “Heero’s gonna kill me. Relena’s here.”

Relena? The sound of the name sent a quick search through the thick archives of Danie’s brain. Your search for Relena Peacecraft produces one result. Result? The Eternal Stalker of Heero Junebug Yuy. Great. Just great.

Danie patted the braided guy’s shoulder. “Maybe she just wants to talk to him,” she reasoned.

Duo shook his head furiously. “Nu-uh. Not Relena Peacecraft. There is no method to her madness.”

Danie frowned at this thoughtfully. Duo gestured for her to watch as the scene in front of them unfolded. She did and almost burst out into hysterical laughter.

Relena and her club-clad entourage filtered onto the floor, spreading out as if to converge upon one point—or one person. Relena found her cargo pants-wearing target at the bar in the process of downing his second drink. Upon seeing him, she let out a delighted squeal.

“HEERO! YOU’RE HERE!!”

Danie and Duo shared a glance. Duo was definitely in trouble.

Part II – Territorial Girl

Nine o’clock rolled around. Danie had made it backstage a little before then, laughing her head off. When her bandmates had inquired of her tardiness, she had replied saucily, “I’ll explain it later.”

As a tall man with spiky hair moved to the microphone on the stage, the club-goers paused and turned toward him expectantly. At the bar, Relena clutched Heero’s arm with a big grin on her face as she had just won the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes. Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Duo squeezed on the couch in the back, having Crys squished in the middle. She received glares from Dorothy, Hilde, Sally, and Catherine, but nothing occurred.

“What’s up Soul Love Live?” bellowed Maximillion “Max” Harris into the mike.

“What’s up, Max?!” they chorused back.

“Good to see you’re awake and ready to party.” Max gestured toward the lowered curtain. “Before I introduce this group, I would like to tell you a little about them. They’re based out of right here in Gracia”—a local proceeded to cheer at that point—”and they’ve already torn apart the airwaves. You’ve heard most of their songs and seen their videos.” Max paused dramatically. “So now, I am honored to present the girls of Angelic Blessings!”

The crowd welcomed them enthusiastically as the curtain raised. Behind the drums was a girl with purple-streaked pigtails—Gretchen Thomas. At a keyboard wearing a long version of Gretchen’s hot pantsuit was Moira “Mo” Thomas. Brandishing a guitar each were Danie in a black halter and skirt and Samantha Dunne in her tube-topped variation of Danie’s outfit. Standing at the mikes were Jennifer Dunne and Claudia, both in dresses.

After a pause, Samantha chanted, “Kick that, kick that, kick that funky beat, y’all.”

The girls began a smooth, simple harmony that had the crowd clapping. During this, Gretchen counted out her drumbeat and the music started.

 “Shake it shake it shake
but don’t break it
use it use it use
but don’t abuse it
make it make it make
but don’t take it
move it move it move
but don’t lose it
cause she’s bad, bad girl…”

The girls played and sung their song with the crowd dancing to the beat. Danie, under the lights, spied the people of the Gundam couch bopping their heads as if they liked it. She smiled, seeing even Trowa doing a little jiggle, and got back to her set. But before she stopped staring at the crowd completely, she caught Heero Yuy’s eye and winked. Beside him, Relena saw this and glowered. Danie grinned wider and they began the next song with her leading.

“Take me on
Take me on
Can’t beat me with him gone
Take me on
Take me on yeah…”

 As Danie did her solo, she stared into the crowd, making sure she had Relena Peacecraft’s undivided attention. She saw the glare of her blue eyes and a zap of something went up Danie’s spine. Was it…could it be? Triumph?

“So here you come to me
all with these words to say
trying to blame me for taking him away
Gotta listen up territorial girl
This ain’t Burger King
Can’t always have it your way
So you wanna take me on
Come on let’s go
I’ll tell you what you think you know
So I hope you learned from this little AB diddy
Even through all the glitz, glamour and fame
Danie T. don’t play that game.”

 Yes…that feeling was of triumph. She didn’t know why, but it was harbored in her singing as if she were trying to intentionally hurt Relena Peacecraft. No…I couldn’t be… As the song ended, signaling the conclusion of the set, Danie pondered what it was that was making her sing this way. And why? Could it have been because of the person standing right beside her?

Oh no, Danie thought. I’m not that crazy.

As the curtain lowered, she still wondered. Was she?

“Nah, not me,” Danie assured herself aloud, although it was a bit forced.

Part III – Drawing Straws

Upon coming to see her friends and family after the show with the other Blessings, Danie received a nasty look from none other than Miss Priss herself. She simply ignored it. Being the beautiful girl she was, she had been used to such reception from the female sex. As Duo kissed her on the cheek and Wufei mustered up a “Good show,” Sally and Hilde joined in the glaring-at-Danie fun.

“You guys really like it?” Danie inquired.

“Yeah, Danie darling,” Duo drawled. He was standing now, and Quatre and Crys were close together on the couch. “It was amazing. It was off the chain.”

“What about the rest of us?” Moira joked.

Duo wrapped his arm around both of the lovely Thomas quads as Moira moved to his side. “I think all of you were just good enough to eat.”

Danie and Moira shared a knowing glance, then they burst into laughter. That had been a kinda ironic statement from him, considering his past history with girls. Duo raised an eyebrow at them, wondering what the coherence of their laughter was about.

“What’s so funny?” he inquired.

Moira and Danie shook their heads. “Nothing.”

Duo pouted. “So you’re not going to tell me?”

Before Danie or Moira could answer, there was a clamor near the bar. Danie looked and swore the sound was coming from where Heero and the Territorial Girl stood. The others looked up too, dimly wondering what could be making so much noise.

They soon found their answer.

“But Heero, I wanna dance!” whined Relena, pulling on his arm. It was a wonder it didn’t fall out of its socket and onto the floor. Yeah, Oz would just love that one.

“I don’t feel like dancing, Relena,” Heero told her, focusing mainly on his half-full glass of scotch.

“Please?” trilled Relena. The Blessings, Trowa, Wufei, Duo, and Winners winced. Her voice was so annoying… It reminded them of a hummingbird on speed and cocaine. Maybe it should be used as a punishment for murder. Yeah—that’ll get peace in the world!

“No, Relena,” Heero growled. “I don’t feel like it.”

Relena sighed heavily like a child that was just refused the chance to get a toy. She slumped back on the bar for a mere ten seconds. Then she began her barrage on Heero’s sanity once more. Duo shook his head sorrowfully, scared of what could be waiting in his bed when he got home that night…

“Oh we’ve got to save the poor man,” Gretchen said. ” We just can’t leave him like this.”

Samantha nodded. “Yeah. He’s gonna blow up the place if she keeps bothering him like that.”

“At least you don’t live with him,” Duo mumbled sorrowfully.

“We’ll think of something, Duo,” Moira promised him. After a moment of thinking, the lightbulb went on in her head. “I got it!” Moira hastily headed toward the straw dispenser and the others watched in confusion. A few moments later, she produced six straws clasped between her thumb and other fingers.

“Alright, pick a straw!” she announced.

The others stared at her hand blankly.

“Um, whoever gets the shortest straw gets to save Heero,” Moira added weakly.

They perked up with comprehension. “Oh!” they exclaimed.

“Geez,” Moira muttered.

Duo, Trowa, and Wufei were the first to pick straws. They compared theirs and found that they were kinda long. They sighed in relief. Personally, they hadn’t figured on Relena the Stalker coming through so they hadn’t prepared for this one. Gretchen and Samantha picked next. Samantha’s was extra long; Gretchen’s was extremely short. She looked nervous.

“Oh ha!” Danie exclaimed. “Gretchen gets to go!”

Moira shook her head. She was playing referee—as usual. “Why don’t you pick the last straw, Danie?”

Danie shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not? It’s not like I got the short one or something.” She picked it up with a Danie-like flourish.

Duo’s jaw dropped to the floor.

Gretchen shared a glance with Samantha.

Crys and Quatre looked like they wanted to die from laughter.

“Um Dans?” Moira broke in hesitantly.

“What?” Danie screeched.

“You’ve got the short straw,” Duo replied for Moira.

Part IV – Underneath His Clothes?!

Danie looked faint for a moment. Her olive skin had gone eminently pale and she looked like a club-going ghost. If it hadn’t been for the booming music, she would have fallen straight out without a second thought. Her violet eyes turned slowly toward the cursed piece of plastic and she groaned.

“Oh damn!” she whined. “Why me?”

“You picked the shortest straw,” Moira explained patiently.

Danie’s face fell into a familiar pout as it did whenever she was caught in something she couldn’t talk her way out of. “I know, I know,” she complained. “Do I have to go?”

“You owe it to him!” Duo insisted.

Danie turned toward Duo with a glare. “Maxwell, why don’t you help him?” she suggested angrily. “He’s your damned roommate!”

“I don’t think that will work,” Moira argued. “I think someone female would work better than Duo.”

Duo looked at Moira. “Hey!” he cried defensively.

Danie crossed her arms. She didn’t feel like hearing Duo play the crying game. “Fine. I’ll go.” She tossed her long raven hair dramatically. “But Yuy owes me one!” They all watched speechless as she sashayed off, hips swinging like a slow-moving pendulum.

“Um,” began Crys.

“Don’t worry, Crys,” Samantha told her. “It’ll work.”

Gretchen snickered. “We hope so.”

Meanwhile, as she was making her way to Heero, Danie tried to think of an approach. She couldn’t just walk up and yank Heero away from Relena, as entertaining and tempting as it sounded. There was always that hey-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere routine. Nah—that wouldn’t work. Then she thought of a scare tactic and shook her head. Heero’d think she was nuts or something. Then there it came—the great plan!

Danie beamed for a moment then put a disappointed expression on her face as she tapped Heero on the shoulder.

“Ahem,” she remarked acidly. “Excuse me.”

Heero slowly turned around, face twisted in surprise. His deep blue eyes appraised her dubiously for a moment, then he frowned. “Danie?”

“Don’t play like you’ve forgotten,” Danie went on, despite the murderous glare she was gaining from Relena. “Forgotten our bet already, have you?”

“Bet?” Heero sounded unsure. He searched her face for an explanation. For an instant they silently communicated as Danie quickly winked at him, indicating that he should play along. The gleam of understanding came into Heero’s eyes and he perched straight up in his stool to face her.

“Oh,” Heero muttered a moment later. “That bet.”

“You owe me a dance, don’t you?” Danie probed rapidly. She took his hand and lifted him up. “Well, my favorite song is on so let’s get it over with.” She led Heero out onto the dance floor. With a flip of her hair, she regarded Relena flippantly. “Oh yes! Excuse us for a moment.”

Heero smirked at Danie’s maneuver. Relena squealed with anger and Danie herself laughed.

“That girl is so—”

Something made Danie pause. At first she wasn’t sure what it was, but then it came to her.

The music—it was…slow!

Hey, she thought in indignation. Wasn’t “Hot in Herre” on just a few moments ago?

Apparently not, because now the speakers were blaring the soft, silky cadences of Shakira’s ballad, “Underneath Your Clothes.” Everyone around them was dancing close, and some SLL party-goers were even kissing. Danie blushed a bit, figuring what this meant. She and Heero would have to…

“You’re a song
Written by the hands of god
Don’t get me wrong cause
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them.”

 Oh no…not that! Now he really owes me for this!

“Aren’t we going to dance, Danie?” Heero queried.

It was a pretty innocent question. Somehow it sent Danie’s heart fluttering. She ignored it; perhaps she was winded or something…

 “Underneath Your Clothes
There is an endless story
There’s the man I chose
There’s my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey…”

 “Um, yeah,” she answered absently. ” I suppose this is what you do here…”

Awkwardly Danie placed her hands on Heero’s shoulders. She found that they were much broader and firmer than she’d originally imagined. Instinctively he pulled her close by her slender waist, and she felt her firm stomach touching his.

 “Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I’m running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party’s over
We will still belong to each other.”

 For a some minutes, they swayed to the rhythm, not saying a word. She sighed and caught herself pulling him closer. She didn’t stop herself however; the feel of his heartbeat against her chest felt good. The smell of his hair reminded her of cleanliness, and there was a strange prompting in her head that she had forgotten to clean her room. His cologne was a bit more masculine than she imagined; it sent a strange feeling of femininity through her. After a while, it almost felt normal as if they were meant to dance close together.

 “Underneath your clothes
There is an endless story
There’s the man I chose
There’s my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl…”

Danie’s eyes closed lazily. She didn’t think; she couldn’t. All she could feel were Heero’s hands on her lower back and his heartbeat vibrating against her chest. Wrapping her arms around his neck, strange thoughts progressed. Strange thoughts that would make one wanna run into the nearest cold shower. Unfortunately, she couldn’t because she enjoyed the feeling of their bodies pressed together like a Danie-and-Heero sandwich, only fabric in between them.

 “I love you more than all that’s on the planet
Movin’ talkin’ walkin’ breathing
You know it’s true
Oh baby it’s so funny
You almost don’t believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady to her good manners
I’m tied up to this feeling…”

Danie felt the heat under his dark shirt and half-wondered what it looked like under there, what her hands would feel like underneath his clothes, sliding over his warm, pulsing skin…

Danie’s eyes flew open. Underneath his clothes?!

 “Underneath your clothes
There is an endless story
There’s the man I chose
There’s my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl, honey…”

 “Um—” Danie hastily pushed Heero away. “I think this is convincing enough.”

For a moment Heero stared at her, not blinking. Then his face fell back into his usual glare. He walked away from her, not going toward the bar but moving to the men’s bathroom. Relena was still there, chatting angrily with her friends. She smirked as Danie and Heero parted ways. As the song ended, Danie stood there in awe, trying to figure out what the hell had happened.

“For being such a good girl…”

 

 

THE END
(or is it?)